Sounds Cliché

I hate being mad at you.

5 sec..

10 sec..

I remember...

30 sec...
 
60 sec...

I remember the first time I realized I loved you.

It was when I realized that anything that ever happened,
good or bad, I wanted to tell you about.

You were the first person I wanted to know,
and I couldn't wait to tell you, and talk to you.

and, and, and.

and listen to you,  it's like I love learning new things every time I talk to you. 


Sounds cheesy, hm?

That's a good line to start telling my children a story. Not about the TV series. But better than that. So anyway, since I feel bored in my boarding house after did a lot of assignments from college and suddenly my mind look back over years ago. What happened back then?

Back then  I was a 11th grader, I was still in relationship with my last ex. I don't know where to begin. One day I randomly added people on Facebook, actually people that may I know. Then I found her profile so I added her. In the next day I asked a friend about her and I asked her contact number to my friend, then he gave me her Blackberry PIN.

She's my junior. Two years behind me. I didn't know why randomly asked her contact, but just had the contact, I never had talk to her even via messenger. Random.

Around October or November 2010, I totally forgot what month exactly, she greet me on Blackberry Messenger, asked something about event that I'm in as the committee. That was the first time we were in conversation, a very short conversation. Then when I checked my twitter account there was a notification that she unfollowed me (it caused I didn't follow back her, LOL), so I followed her, then she followed me again. But we still didn't know each other, like a stranger.

10th of July 2011. A day before orientation day in my school. I was 12th grade. As the committee of the orientation day. She went to school as same as me, and that was her fresh year in high school. I suddenly greeted her on messenger, asked her random things, chit-chat, not a long conversation. I didn't know why I did this.

First day of orientation day, me as a documentation section just walked around the school and of course took many pictures during the event. Then I entered her class, walked around the class. Suddenly I found a girl didn't wear nametag, I grabbed it and said "nametagnya di pake ya" I saw that nametag and I saw the name on it, her names, she replied "talinya putus kak". Then I went to the back of the class. July 11th 2011.

After that we started text each other, not an intents one, just an ordinary conversation I guessed, just for several times. August, September, then I stopped to text her cause I knew I was still in relationship. But around December I broke up with my girl.

I never paid serious attention, knowing that she and I will never possibly be, in logic sense kind of way.

Yes, after a long intents tried to attracted her after I broke up, I didn't know she gave up or something, she begin to let me in into little bit of her life.

3rd of March 2012. I asked her for a ride then she said ok. She was a good company. We talked about many things. Then we went to record store and we watched a movie. The movie was sucks. But the company was good.

After that we often to had a long conversation.

We talked.
Talk.
Talk.
Talk.
Talk.
About whatnots, ideas, theories, random stuff. We just can't stop talking. She laughed at my jokes. She listened to my stories whether it was interesting or not. Likewise.

We bbmed like we never ran out of topics to talk about, occasionally talked on the phone. Until I realized it was just too fast and I should back off a bit because I didn't want to lose her. I enjoy the company. I enjoy her existence.

Time after time, I began to tear down her walls, one brick at a time. She lets me in. Until eventually I thought she felt the same.

So I planned on talking to her about how I wanted to take things slow, I asked to met up in the coffee shop in the middle of the town. Then we talked all the way. Just in time I wanted to spit the words out of my mouth. I told everything I wanted to talked about. She said "promise me one thing?", I said "what?", she said "you know that I want you. I enjoyed the company and everything I did with you. But I have so much fear, I don't want if someday you'll change into someone else, not like today", then I said "I can't promise such things but I'll keep it as a life commitment". April 18th 2012. After that long night, we still spend time together like Jack and Sally, like Bonnie And Clyde, like Patrick and Spongebob, but with love among. And of course I stayed true, just like I said I would.

And just like I said I would, I'm in love with her. Reaaallll deep. This love real good. Like there was nothing that I wanted more than I want to spend my time with her.

Now, after all these months you're still the same person, nothing has changed. Nothing ever really excites me more than all the time well spent with you. I wanna be the first and the last person who will stand beside you through anything. To everything. I love you Viranisa Nurhasanah Noviani.

"Faith makes all things possible...., love makes all things easy."

you never see the way i look into your eyes, you never realize the love I feel inside. pain and sorrow that haunted me cause the words are left unsaid...

Do we choose who we fall in love with?
Or does it just happen whether we want it or not?

Because, like what I've said..
We can't close our heart,
To the things we don't want to feel. 

So,
What can I do?
What should I do?

inget cerita yang pernah gue tulis beberapa bulan lalu, yang judulnya 'coincidence'? buat yang belum baca, gue saranin coba scroll down dulu deh blog ini, terus baca postingan itu.

jadi, ini lanjutan dari postingan gue waktu itu.

"ta, contact nya ga ada di bbm gue."
"demi?"
contact dia ilang, mungkin gue di delete. gue dosa besar apalagi sih? tapi seminggu atau dua minggu kemudian orang itu nge add bbm gue lagi. rada lama gue ngeliatin nama orang itu di friend request, tapi akhirnya gue pencet accept. dari beberapa kali gue chat sama dia, kadang gue masih under control sama apa yang harus gue ketik. padahal gue ga mau keliatan 'seseneng' itu. niat nya mau ngetik pendek-pendek aja, malah jadi panjang lebar. niat nya gak mau terlalu interest, malah jadi keliatan semangat banget. niat nya mau di read aja, malah jadi gak mau berhenti. *banting laptop*

ini tuh, apasih sebenernya?

engga jarang gue liat dia, tapi sampe sekarang, kita ga pernah ngobrol langsung. mungkin iya kita kenal, tapi engga deket. setiap pas-pas an, gue cuma bisa ngeliat ke arah lain. bukan, bukan karena gak mau liat, tapi emang karena ga bisa.

I don’t know what’s going on.
I don’t know how to say it, or explain it.
but well, trust me,
I'm not fallin love with him.

it's funny how we always find ourselves wanting to run back to the ones we used to love, for some reason, thinking it would work out differently the second time. 

barusan gue abis baca blog seseorang. gue baca semua postingan nya, ada satu postingan yang isinya.....gimana ya, mau diceritain frontal banget haha. yaudah, mending gue cerita dari awal dulu ya.

tomorrow! 29 February 2011, berarti udah 1 bulan gue bareng sama yudha. berhubung besok kayaknya gue gabakal bisa  ngepost, jadi gue pengen ngucapin sekarang aja disini, hehe.

you are hilarious,